通往幸福婚姻生活的秘密

It has often been said that opposites attract but research suggests that initial spark of attraction soon fades and does not make for a long and happy married life.
A survey carried out by The Oxford Internet Institute, looked at the habits of 1,000 couples to find the secret of a happy relationship.
The poll was conducted for online matchmaking service eHarmony.
People who want to sign up for the site, complete a comprehensive questionnaire of more than 200 questions, which takes about an hour to complete.
"At the time that we launched in 2000, people were really sceptical that you could bring technology or scientific research to something that had always been attributed in these magical terms to some unknowable quality about why two people connect," Greg Waldorf, eHarmony's chief executive said.
eHarmony to claim that every day on average 118 US couples who met on eHarmony get married--2% of the total number of marriages.
Paula Hall, a relationship psychotherapist at the UK relationship service says: "Compatibility is an essential ingredient in relationship happiness, but some differences are inevitable. How couples manage those differences is the key to long-term success."
But there is not one formula for all couples. Analysis of the data gathered by eHarmony shows that across cultures couples value very different things.
For instance, Britons are the least likely to complain if modern life leaves their partners too tired for sex. Australians are less worried by their spouse being less affectionate and Americans argue more.
Happily married people in the UK tend to agree more on how to make major decisions, how family finances are handled, the division of household tasks, and how to deal with parents and in-laws. Compared to the US and Australia, UK couples are the least likely to be worried if their partner is regularly too tired for sex.
In the US, couples put more focus on the interpersonal facets of their relationships, reporting that they laugh together, exchange ideas, kiss, and confide in each other more often. However, they also have more arguments and are more likely to report that their partners annoy them.
In Australia, couples put a lot of stock in working on projects together, and it is the country where couples are least likely to be concerned that their spouse doesn't show enough love and affection.
Couples in the US, the UK and Australia experience a dip in marital satisfaction around the birth of their first child, which Mr Waldorf attributes to a period of adjustment to the change in the relationship. Chinese couples, by contrast, actually experience a rise in satisfaction, which Mr Waldorf suggests is due to a stronger immediate family support network.
人們常說異性相吸，但是調查顯示，一時擦出的火花很快就會消退，並不能帶來長久而快樂的婚姻生活。
為了探尋幸福婚姻的秘訣，牛津互聯網研究所調查了1,000對夫妻的生活習慣。
這次的調查是為eHarmony網絡婚姻介紹公司進行的。
參與調查的人需要登錄網站，填寫一份超過200道問題的綜合問卷，耗時大約1個小時。
eHarmony公司首席執行官格勒格·沃爾多夫說：“當我們2000年創辦的時候，很多人對我們用科技或科研的辦法尋找讓兩個人結合在一起的秘訣表示懷疑。”
eHarmony公司號稱，每天在美國結婚的新人中有118對是在eHarmony網站上結識的，占結婚總數的2%。
英國人際關系服務公司的心理師保拉·霍爾說：“和諧是幸福關系的要素，但分歧是不可避免的。夫妻雙方如何對待分歧是保證長久關系的關鍵。”
沒有一個規則適用於所有的夫妻。eHarmony的調查數據發現，不同文化背景的夫妻所看重的方面不盡相同。
舉例來說，英國夫妻不太會介意另一半因疲勞而拒絕性生活；澳大利亞夫妻不太會介意另一半對自己關愛不夠；而美國夫妻則更容易爭執。
婚姻幸福的英國夫妻在重大決定上通常會達成一致，比如在家庭經濟、家務分工、和對待自己和對方父母等方面。同美國和澳大利亞夫妻相比，英國夫婦似乎不會怎麽介意另一方定期以勞累為由拒絕性生活。
美國夫妻更註重彼此間關系的各個層面，比如，雙方更願意互相開玩笑、交流思想、親吻和信任彼此。然而，他們之間也更容易發生爭執，也更可能惹惱彼此。
澳大利亞夫婦更喜歡共同完成一些事情。如果對方對自己表示的關切和愛意不夠，澳大利亞人的感知度是最低的。
對美國、英國和澳大利亞的夫妻來說，隨著第一個孩子的誕生，婚姻關系就會出現下滑，沃爾多夫認為此時的關系需要經過一段時間的調整。而中國夫妻則相反，有了孩子後，雙方關系會更加親密。沃爾多夫認為這是由於中國有更加緊密的家庭關系。